If Men Could Menstruate

by Gloria Steinem

(c) Gloria Steinem, Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions. NY: NAL, 1986.

Living in India made me understand that a white minority of the world has spent centuries conning us into thinking a white skin makes people superior, even though the only thing it really does is make them more subject to ultraviolet rays and wrinkles.

Reading Freud made me just as skeptical about penis envy. The power of giving birth makes "womb envy" more logical, and an organ as external and unprotected as the penis makes men very vulnerable indeed.

But listening recently to a woman describe the unexpected arrival of her menstrual period (a red stain had spread on her dress as she argued heatedly on the public stage) still made me cringe with embarrassment. That is, until she explained that, when finally informed in whispers of the obvious event, she said to the all-male audience, "and you should be proud to have a menstruating woman on your stage. It's probably the first real thing that's happened to this group in years."

Laughter. Relief. She had turned a negative into a positive. Somehow her story merged with India and Freud to make me finally understand the power of positive thinking. Whatever a "superior" group has will be used to justify its superiority, and whatever and "inferior" group has will be used to justify its plight. Black me were given poorly paid jobs because they were said to be "stronger" than white men, while all women were relegated to poorly paid jobs because they were said to be "weaker." As the little boy said when asked if he wanted to be a lawyer like his mother, "Oh no, that's women's work." Logic has nothing to do with oppression.

So what would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not?

Clearly, menstruation would become an enviable, worthy, masculine event:

Men would brag about how long and how much.

Young boys would talk about it as the envied beginning of manhood. Gifts, religious ceremonies, family dinners, and stag parties would mark the day.

To prevent monthly work loss among the powerful, Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea. Doctors would research little about heart attacks, from which men would be hormonally protected, but everything about cramps.

Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of such commercial brands as Paul Newman Tampons, Muhammad Ali's Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi Pads, and Joe Namath Jock Shields- "For Those Light Bachelor Days."

Statistical surveys would show that men did better in sports and won more Olympic medals during their periods.

Generals, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("men-struation") as proof that only men could serve God and country in combat ("You have to give blood to take blood"), occupy high political office ("Can women be properly fierce without a monthly cycle governed by the planet Mars?"), be priests, ministers, God Himself ("He gave this blood for our sins"), or rabbis ("Without a monthly purge of impurities, women are unclean").

Male liberals and radicals, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could join their ranks if only she were willing to recognize the primacy of menstrual rights ("Everything else is a single issue") or self-inflict a major wound every month ("You must give blood for the revolution").

Street guys would invent slang ("He's a three-pad man") and "give fives" on the corner with some exchange like, "Man you lookin' good!"

"Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!"

TV shows would treat the subject openly. (Happy Days: Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he has missed two periods in a row. Hill Street Blues: The whole precinct hits the same cycle.) So would newspapers. (Summer Shark Scare Threatens Menstruating Men. Judge Cites Monthlies In Pardoning Rapist.) And so would movies. (Newman and Redford in Blood Brothers!)

Men would convince women that sex was more pleasurable at "that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself, though all they needed was a good menstruating man.

Medical schools would limit women's entry ("they might faint at the sight of blood").

Of course, intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguments. Without the biological gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets, how could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics-- or the ability to measure anything at all? In philosophy and religion, how could women compensate for being disconnected from the rhythm of the universe? Or for their lack of symbolic death and resurrection every month?

Menopause would be celebrated as a positive event, the symbol that men had accumulated enough years of cyclical wisdom to need no more.

Liberal males in every field would try to be kind. The fact that "these people" have no gift for measuring life, the liberals would explain, should be punishment enough.

And how would women be trained to react? One can imagine right-wing women agreeing to all these arguments with a staunch and smiling masochism. ("The ERA would force housewives to wound themselves every month": Phyllis Schlafly)

In short, we would discover, as we should already, that logic is in the eye of the logician. (For instance, here's an idea for theorists and logicians: if women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long? I leave further improvisation up to you.)

The truth is that, if men could menstruate, the power justifications would go on and on.

If we let them.

Finding esoteric videos in the States? Ok, so I'm looking for a copy of La marche de l'empereur, the French version of March of the Penguins with the dubbed voices etc.. NOT the English version that became narrated since they thought that Americans wouldn't go for talking penguins. They were wrong. Any ideas of where to buy a copy?
Thanks.

Question of the day--what are you favorite cutesy movies?

Anyone know of good muaji / mochi / muachee /pickyourtransliteration recipes? The type with the peanut sugar filling...rather than the peanut sugar coating...

Cookie exchanges...

I love cookies. Yum yum yum. I'm great at making certain desserts--cakes, brownies, and the like...but I'm a fairly mediocre cookie maker. Does anyone have any great cookie recipes? I'm going to a cookie exchange on Sunday and could use a few ideas... credit will be given =)

Researchers seek routes to happier life

By MALCOLM RITTER, AP Science WriterSun Nov 26, 12:54 PM ET

As a motivational speaker and executive coach, Caroline Adams Miller knows a few things about using mental exercises to achieve goals. But last year, one exercise she was asked to try took her by surprise.

Every night, she was to think of three good things that happened that day and analyze why they occurred. That was supposed to increase her overall happiness.

"I thought it was too simple to be effective," said Miller, 44, of Bethesda. Md. "I went to Harvard. I'm used to things being complicated."

Miller was assigned the task as homework in a master's degree program. But as a chronic worrier, she knew she could use the kind of boost the exercise was supposed to deliver.

She got it.

"The quality of my dreams has changed, I never have trouble falling asleep and I do feel happier," she said.

Results may vary, as they say in the weight-loss ads. But that exercise is one of several that have shown preliminary promise in recent research into how people can make themselves happier — not just for a day or two, but long-term. It's part of a larger body of work that challenges a long-standing skepticism about whether that's even possible.

There's no shortage of advice in how to become a happier person, as a visit to any bookstore will demonstrate. In fact, Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania and colleagues have collected more than 100 specific recommendations, ranging from those of the Buddha through the self-improvement industry of the 1990s.

The problem is, most of the books on store shelves aren't backed up by rigorous research, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California, Riverside, who's conducting such studies now. (She's also writing her own book).

In fact, she says, there has been very little research in how people become happier.

Why? The big reason, she said, is that many researchers have considered that quest to be futile.

For decades, a widely accepted view has been that people are stuck with a basic setting on their happiness thermostat. It says the effects of good or bad life events like marriage, a raise, divorce, or disability will simply fade with time.

We adapt to them just like we stop noticing a bad odor from behind the living room couch after a while, this theory says. So this adaptation would seem to doom any deliberate attempt to raise a person's basic happiness setting.

As two researchers put it in 1996, "It may be that trying to be happier is as futile as trying to be taller."

But recent long-term studies have revealed that the happiness thermostat is more malleable than the popular theory maintained, at least in its extreme form. "Set-point is not destiny," says psychologist Ed Diener of the University of Illinois.

One new study showing change in happiness levels followed thousands of Germans for 17 years. It found that about a quarter changed significantly over that time in their basic level of satisfaction with life. (That's a popular happiness measure; some studies sample how one feels through the day instead.) Nearly a tenth of the German participants changed by three points or more on a 10-point scale.

Other studies show an effect of specific life events, though of course the results are averages and can't predict what will happen to particular individuals. Results show long-lasting shadows associated with events like serious disability, divorce, widowhood, and getting laid off.

The boost from getting married, on the other hand, seems to dissipate after about two years, says psychologist Richard E. Lucas of Michigan State University.

What about the joys of having children? Parents recall those years with fondness, but studies show childrearing takes a toll on marital satisfaction, Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert notes in his recent book, "Stumbling on Happiness." Parents gain in satisfaction as their kids leave home, he said.

"Despite what we read in the popular press," he writes, "the only known symptom of 'empty nest syndrome' is increased smiling."

Gilbert says people are awful at predicting what will make them happy. Yet, Lucas says, "most people are happy most of the time." That is, in a group of people who have reasonably good health and income, most will probably rate a 7.5 or so on a happiness scale of zero to 10, he says.

Still, many people want to be happier. What can they do? That's where research by Lyubomirsky, Seligman and others comes in.

The think-of-three-good-things exercise that Miller, the motivational speaker, found so simplistic at first is among those being tested by Seligman's group at the University of Pennsylvania.

People keep doing it on their own because it's immediately rewarding, said Seligman colleague Acacia Parks. It makes people focus more on good things that happen, which might otherwise be forgotten because of daily disappointments, she said.

Miller said the exercise made her notice more good things in her day, and that now she routinely lists 10 or 20 of them rather than just three.

A second approach that has shown promise in Seligman's group has people discover their personal strengths through a specialized questionnaire and choose the five most prominent ones. Then, every day for a week, they are to apply one or more of their strengths in a new way.

Strengths include things like the ability to find humor or summon enthusiasm, appreciation of beauty, curiosity and love of learning. The idea of the exercise is that using one's major "signature" strengths may be a good way to get engaged in satisfying activities.

These two exercises were among five tested on more than 500 people who'd visited a Web site called "Authentic Happiness." Seligman and colleagues reported last year that the two exercises increased happiness and reduced depressive symptoms for the six months that researchers tracked the participants. The effect was greater for people who kept doing the exercises frequently. A followup study has recently begun.

Another approach under study now is having people work on savoring the pleasing things in their lives like a warm shower or a good breakfast, Parks said. Yet another promising approach is having people write down what they want to be remembered for, to help them bring their daily activities in line with what's really important to them, she said.

Lyubomirsky, meanwhile, is testing some other simple strategies. "This is not rocket science," she said.

For example, in one experiment, participants were asked to regularly practice random acts of kindness, things like holding a door open for a stranger or doing a roommate's dishes, for 10 weeks. The idea was to improve a person's self-image and promote good interactions with other people.

Participants who performed a variety of acts, rather than repeating the same ones, showed an increase in happiness even a month after the experiment was concluded. Those who kept on doing the acts on their own did better than those who didn't.

Other approaches she has found some preliminary promise for include thinking about the happiest day in your life over and over again, without analyzing it, and writing about how you'll be 10 years from now, assuming everything goes just right.

Some strategies appear to work better for some people than others, so it's important to get the right fit, she said.

But it'll take more work to see just how long the happiness boost from all these interventions actually lasts, with studies tracking people for many months or years, Lyubomirsky said.

Any long-term effect will probably depend on people continuing to work at it, just as folks who move to southern California can lose their appreciation of the ocean and weather unless they pursue activities that highlight those natural benefits, she said.

In fact, Diener says, happiness probably is really about work and striving.

"Happiness is the process, not the place," he said via e-mail. "So many of us think that when we get everything just right, and obtain certain goals and circumstances, everything will be in place and we will be happy.... But once we get everything in place, we still need new goals and activities. The Princess could not just stop when she got the Prince."

Thanksgiving Traditions

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I was in Chicago last weekend (Oh how I love that city!) and...well, excuses excuses...somehow it's taken until now to post again. But the ocean waves once again...

When I was a girl, I used to watch the Brady Bunch and assume that the show depicted a fairly accurate picture of what non-Chinese, traditional families did in the U.S.. And then holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas would come around and I would wonder about what other families did. Years later, even after I got over my Brady Bunch = functional typical caucasian "American" family delusion, I'm still fascinated by families' holiday traditions. The questions for today, in predictable ocean fashion, are the following: how did you grow up celebrating Thanksgiving? How do you and your family celebrate Thanksgiving? What traditions would you want to keep for the future? What traditions have would you want to adopt?

To answer my own questions...

Growing up...
In our family, way back in the day, we went to one of my uncle and aunt's house for Thanksgiving. We would have an enormous meal for lunch that included all the "typical" American foods--turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, etc.. But most of the adults in the family still preferred Chinese food so two or three hours after being stuffed silly with a full-blown American Thanksgiving meal and the younger male cousins were entertained by Ninetendo games, the adults and kids like me with more "sophisticated" palates (HA!) would then sit down again to eat an entire Chinese & Taiwanese meal. Yes, two large holidays meals within three hours--goal of the afternoon was to keep it all down. It was one of the most glutenous holidays we celebrated, mostlybecause we usually stuck to just one cultural food group for the rest of the holidays. Second to Chinese New Year (hey, what can I say, as a kid you enjoy receiving $$...actually, as an adult I like $$ as well...), it was one of my favorite holidays as a kiddo. For better or worse, years later, the women in the family acculturated at a faster rate than the men in the family, creating marital discord and many of the nuclear families disbanded such that these family gatherings at Thanksgiving have stopped... Last year, I tried resurrecting the tradition with what's left of the families and cooked for 14... twas a bit of a dicey experience with half the clan disliking squash products, the other half being lactose intolerant, most of the folks not liking dessert, and the rest of the clan thrown across the states... but hey, A for effort and level of exhaustion.


As an adult...
In the last few years, I've started making it a tradition to cook and bake at least one new dish or dessert at Thanksgiving. I've enjoyed using the holiday as an excuse to buy yummy foods I wouldn't usually buy and taking the time to cook things I've always wanted to try... I figure it's a good way for me to build up a menu I can use for someday when I own a real home and host tday dinners (I hope). This year's adventure includes an herbed cheesy polenta ring with roasted autumn vegetables. I'm excited.

As for adopting other traditions, my friend Emily's family hosts a Thanksgiving dinner on the Friday after Thanksgivng. I absolutely love the idea. Friends end up not having conflicts, people can be with the in-laws on Thursday, the hosts have Thursday to cook... I have a stinking suspicion that I will be adopting this tradition...someday...when I own a home that's large enough to host a large gathering and there are plenty of people who will be in town so that I can have such a mostly-friends dinner. (Ah yes, I may have given up on the genetic clan for providing me with the audience I'd like...I mean, c'mon people, I want to make foods with cheese, and squash, and chocolate and have people actually enjoy such foods! :p)

Ok, someone else share and inspire me with new ideas for my someday tday dinners!

Top five reasons why I love this time of year...

1) I can walk around outside for hours without being in dire need of water and a shower...oh the joys of Floridian fall
2) Starbucks peppermint mocha and peppermint brownies are back! (see what a good little consumer I've become since leaving the city of Boston's independent coffeeshops)
3) Pumpkin products are aplenty...
4) Hurricane season is almost over
5) No school next Thursday!

Why do you love this time of year?

Chihuly!

I usually don't like to open my mailbox because it tends to contain useless envelopes that need to be shredded and the like...but I received the newest magazine from Fairchild Tropical Gardens and noticed that they're having another Chihuly Exhibit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wheee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last one was pretty amazing. I can't wait for this upcoming one.

This morning, I woke up to a craving for chocolate cake. Alas, despite having all the ingredients, I didn't quite have enough time. Wouldn't it be wonderful if technology were such that we could just click on the ad advertising free chocolate lava cakes and boom, it appeared in front of our eyes? Indeed, this is my thought of the day. What kind of technology or feat against science do you wish existed?

Two of mine:
-We have equipment to preserve and capture both sight and sound...but there are times I wish it were possible to do the same with food...It would be fairly bad for the travel industry. But wouldn't it be amazing if we took a trip to Italy, took a 'snapshot recording' of an amazing meal, brought it back with us, and every time we wanted to reminesce or share our trip with friends, we could also give them a taste of the food? Alas, I fear that day will never come... But I certainly have a mental list of all the food I would capture...

-dishes. I hate dishes. Let me rephrase. I despise doing dishes in my studio. I might rather spend time with the president than do dishes. For some reason, I'm fine with helping others do dishes...but the cramped space and shallow sink in my studio drives me crazy and dread doing dishes. I hate doing dishes so much, I sometimes avoid cooking and baking or eating, activities I love. I wish it were possible just to throw a cover on over the sink, press a button, and have the dishes done. Boom. My studio's too small to have a real dishwasher. An in-sink one that was affordable would be so awesome. The sad thing is, I have looked for such an invention...they exist...but it's almost 1900 dollars to get one... now why can't they be mass-produced and cheap???

For the hopeless romantic

I watched High Fidelity the other night...it was not my favorite movie, but it had me thinking about the way we evolve, the relationships we once had, etc etc... As someone who still believes in sappy fair tales (that is, the way we think of them these days, rather than the gruesome Grimm ones), I LOVE hearing about others' cutesy, sweet stories. I like to know that it's not just in the realm of fiction that such stories exist. I'm always curious about how couples end up together--how that initial journey began... Do you have any favorite stories to share of sweet first dates? Or favorite stories of how someone else or you initiated that first kiss?

Translated prose

Since I am a literary dork and couldn't resist being at least a bit of an adult, we have a bonus edition today. What is the most recent book that you loved and was originally written in a different language?

My vote goes out to Blindness, by Jose Saramago...He did an absolutely remarkable job of portraying the human condition in a hypothetical situation...it was a chillingly realistic and thought-provoking read...

I'd love to read some of his other books too. He won the 1998 Nobel Prize in Literature... Here's the link for those of you who may be interested: http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/1998/presentation-speech.html

Some of Borges' short stories are amazing as well... I have a few books of translated Proust I have yet to tackle so the verdict's still out on those...

With a click click here and a click click there... here a click, there a click, everywhere a click click... today's topic: Children's Songs

First of all, many thanks to the people who clicked on the ads on this page yesterday! Wheee! I made a little over two dollars! ...the fastest way to fund grad students...who needs to submit pediatric grants to study diabetes anymore?

Back to the task at hand... I was going to dedicate today's entry to the logophiles out there but decided to hold off a little longer on the dorkathalon...but all you statisticians and historians should rest asured that your day will come and we will have all sorts of fun discussing favorite words and equations and the like. But for today, being Saturday and everything, I decided to take us back to the good old days instead, when reading Curious George or getting a piggyback ride was enough to make our day... Think back upon those days now and tell us, what was your favorite song as a child? the one that you couldn't wait to sing over...and over...and over again and always put a big huge smile on your face? and what's your favorite song to sing with children as an adult? ...the one you don't mind singing everytime the child says "Again!" And do you know of any 'Saying Goodbye' songs? I've been on a hunt for the last few months but have come out empty-handed. The Barney I love you, you love me song just doesn't do it for me...

Happy regressing!

Spa on a budget (<$20)

Scary women from a spa company were walking around the psych department yesterday trying to sell a package spa deal. They were definitely pushy... but what can I say, they were also succesful. I am very much looking forward to my four visits for $13 each.

I'm sure that many of us would love to get full-body massages every time we were stressed but alas, that pesky little thing called money (and for some of us, singledom), tends to get in the way. The question for today is how else can you get a totally rejuvenating spa experience? (without being harassed by spa salesreps during a time-limited offer)

Do you know of any great products?

To get us started...
-Pier 1's biscotti-scented candles...a bit strong, but pretty heavenly
-Sunshine Spa has a Tangerine salt scrub with ginseng and dead sea salts that is wonderful as well (I found it at Wild Oats while looking for an alternative to spending an arm and a leg at Origins for their ginger scrub)
-and in Miami, of course there's always the possibility of hopping in the ocean...mwahaha

Cinnamon recipes

I decided to make this a participatory blog centered around things that make me and others happy... (in contrast to my myspace griping blog)...that includes cooking, music, books, poetry, outdoors, travels, art, and nerdy topics like mathematical formulas, science, and other things... we'll rotate.

Today's question centers around cinnamon ...which was mentioned as early as 2700 BC in Chinese texts...and later in the Bible as a token of friendship. It was also used for some less pleasant purposes as well but we'll forget about that.

Do you have a favorite recipe that calls for cinnamon? If it's not a secret recipe, please share! =) It could be someone else's recipe :) Just credit so I don't get sued or something ;) ...stayed tuned for a music question next...

Here's mine that I made up based on some experiments and tweeking of other brownie recipes. Based on the guinea pigs on third and fourth dot, my practicum site, lack of crumbs at the end of the day, and the fact that eating these cheered me up, I'm keeping the recipe in my list of Bad Week 101 solutions.

Olivia's Brownie Recipe

1 1/2 sticks of butter
3 oz semisweet chocolate
3 oz unsweetened chocolate
1 1/2 cups of sugar
2 tbsp vanilla (I tend just to poor...my guess it amounts to about two tablespoons)
1 cup flour
4 eggs
1 tsp salt
three generous shakes of cinnamon (maybe the equivalent of a teaspoon...shaking the bottle without measuring is easier and more fun)

Preheat oven to 350. Melt butter and chocolate together, either in the microwave or over low heat on the stove (microwave tends to be faster...just make sure it doesn't burn)...stir until smooth. Stir in vanilla and sugar. Then stir in one egg at a time and then add the flour and salt. Pour into greased 13x9 pan and bake. Check brownies at 18 minutes...most likely, they'll be done in 20 minutes.

I've had this blogspot since 2003 and have yet to post. I say it's time for the ocean to wave for real and say helllloooooooooo world! Now that I've given my super duper fashion model wave, I really must go and do important things, like go to bed.